The truth is, where and how you meet women determines your dating success. If you want to meet more of the right women, you need to change not only where you’re looking, but also how you’re thinking about dating.
Here’s a secret to dating success that most men never consider: Men focus too much on impressing women, and not enough on filtering them. This means you can spend a lot of time and energy trying to be the guy she likes, when she’s not a good match for you at all.
In this blog, I’ll share my coaching workarounds for how to stop meeting the right women, and stop wasting time on the wrong ones:
- Where are you currently meeting women? Are you really looking in the best places to meet the women you want?
- What are the minimum standards you need for dating her? Let’s get some ground rules in place for what she needs to bring to the dating process.
- What are the green lights you need to look out for in her. Of course, it’s a relationship, so you want to be with a woman you’re attracted to - but that’s not what will make your relationship with her great. Personality really counts! Let’s get you switched on to what she needs to bring to the table.
Looking for guidance? Work with a dating coach who gets real results.
The Right Places to Meet Women
It’s not random luck that you keep meeting the wrong women. However, the good news is with some changes to your dating strategy and mindset you can find more of the women you want.
Let’s start our search for Ms Right by thinking about how and where you’re trying to meet women.
✅ #1 Interest Based Events
Think: Networking events, interesting talks, language exchanges, and professional mixers. First of all, women who have long term partners (and especially families) often won’t find the time or motivation to attend events like these so more women who attend events like these are likely to be single.
What’s better is that these are naturally high effort women. When a woman wants to meet a great guy for a lasting relationship the first thing she’ll think is to start saying “yes” to more social invitations and to get out there more. If she’s made the time to show up, she’s a higher stakes player in the dating game than a woman who’s simply using an app.
Plus most women still desire to meet their ideal partner in the real world. Even if you’re a little shorter/ older/ with a different career than her ideal guy on a dating app, meet in the real world, form a connection and she’ll forget all about her wish list.
✅ #2 High energy fitness places
Fitness socials and clubs are another place where women who are single will spend their time. Again, she’ll have more time and motivation than a coupled up woman to hit her fitness goals hard!
Whilst it can feel tough to talk to a woman at the gym (though this is where I met my husband, so it can work!) it’s much easier to talk to women who are in the same fitness class as you, or where you’re learning an activity together.
Bouldering socials, social dance and run clubs all make ideal environments to make new connections.
✅ #3 Singles events
Attending speed dating and singles events is not only a great way to meet err single women but it’s also a great way you can build your confidence.
Yes you may see women you're most excited by in the queue at the coffee shop, or at the water cooler by the gym; but psyching yourself up to approach them can be a different ball game. Improve your confidence and social skills in places where you know she’s single (and ready to meet someone) then branch out.
The wrong places to meet women
❌ #1 Dating apps
Yes, dating apps are full of single women! But how many of them are serious about meeting you? If you’re like the many men I coach you’ll have probably found dating apps so far to be a lot of effort, for not much reward.
The problem with dating apps is that they’re low stakes: She hasn’t made much effort to meet you.
Like you she will also have had her fair share of disappointing experiences on apps, which means she’s often only lukewarm interested at best in a date with you.
People care about what they’ve made an effort for - on a dating app her effort and excitement levels are so low, it’s hard to break through.
❌ #2 Random bars/clubs
On the bright side, if she’s dressed up and gone out with some friends, there’s a good chance she’s at least somewhat open to meeting someone.
The snag can be: Her friends, other men and the stage of life she’s in.
If she’s focused on her friends and having fun, she may not yet be at the right time in her life to be thinking seriously about meeting Mr Right. She may assume when it’s the right time, it will just happen. She might not yet be thinking about what she can do to help or hinder this process.
Plus she’s there with her friends to have a good time, and she’ll often feel guilty for not giving them her undivided attention. You’ll also probably feel like you don’t want to bother her, and interrupt. Meaning the only guys who approach her are drunk, or weird, and she gradually becomes switched off to meeting any men full stop where she is.
❌ #3 The workplace
If you’ve got a major crush on a coworker - you need to get out more! Yes seeing someone day in, day out, can certainly build attraction but meeting a woman in the workplace is risky.
Times have changed. In the past you might have had to deal with a little awkwardness if things didn’t click, now you’ll have to deal with the prospect of losing your job. With so many great women to meet, it’s simply not worth going there.
Define What 'The Right Woman' Actually Means to You
Most guys don’t take the time to clarify what they’re actually looking for, so they get caught up in chemistry—even when the woman isn’t a good fit.
Ask most men what they’re looking for, and they may say a partner they’re physically attracted to who is a nice person. Guess what happens when you ask women the same question? Boy, you get a long list in return! Women are constantly filtering men by this list, whilst men often fall into the trap of chasing the wrong women because they’re list is too short to begin with.
You need to stop trying to convince the wrong women to be interested in you, and instead filter out women who are non-starters. This saves your time and energy to meet more women who want the same things as you.
Pro tip: Write down 3 non-negotiables you want in a woman. If she lacks those, don’t chase it—move on fast.
If you can’t think of any off the top of your head don’t worry here’s a list of basic dating standards for you to get started with:
She makes time for you.
It’s super frustrating to constantly be chasing a woman up to meet, and only get “I’ll let you know” responses in return. Make her one really clear offer to go on a date with you, “I’d like to see you again - let me know when works best for you next week?” If she says anything like, “the next couple of weeks are really busy for me with a project,” or “maybe at the start of next month once I’ve settled in” take this for what this is, a polite “no thanks.”
People can (nearly) always make time for things that are important to them. If she’s constantly unavailable she’s either not that interested in you, or dating generally. Either way - let it go!
She makes an effort with you.
If she’s interested she will be putting her best foot forward online and in real life. In person she’ll turn up looking good - hair and make up done! Online she’ll be being playful and fun on her messages.
If you’re messaging a woman on a dating app and getting monosyllabic answers, you’ll never have enough connection to ask her on a date.
If you’re meeting up, but she’s late and spends all her time talking about another guy; then she doesn’t see you as a potential. Rather than wasting your time trying to build bridges with women who aren’t fully participating in getting to know you, let them go and find someone who is.
She’s clear this is a date.
Once you’re her friend, acquaintance, or helpful neighbour it’s really hard to work yourself out of this role, and into being a romantic partner. Ideally you want to be clear from the get-go that you’re interested in dating her, and when you meet up, it’s for a DATE.
If you feel the need to obfuscate this then this isn’t a good sign. Remember she may be more likely to say yes to a networking coffee than a date; but that doesn’t help you if her expectations for your meeting aren’t romantic.
Don’t be too desperate to spend any time with her - only spend purposeful time, which aligns with your goals - romance!
Learn to Spot 'Green Lights' She’s The Right Woman Early
Too many guys get stuck on a woman’s looks, ignoring signs that she’s not actually interested or emotionally available. Instead take a leaf out of how single women date and keep an eye out for those green flags!
✅ Consistent effort: She texts back, asks questions, and makes an effort when you’re chatting to her to be playful.
✅ Values alignment: She’s upfront about what she wants (casual, serious, etc.).
✅ Low drama: Minimal mixed signals, or hot-and-cold behavior. Sometimes it’s hard for men and women to intuitively understand each other, but she’ll make an effort to communicate with you.
✅ Fully available: No drama with an ex boyfriend, or someone else she’s seeing.
✅ Clear: She’ll tell you when she’s free to meet and will make time for you.
✅ Communicates what she wants: She won’t leave you guessing about how she feels. If something upsets her, she may temporarily cool off, but she will then tell you what she needs from you.
✅ Receptive: You ask her out - she says yes. It’s really that simple.
✅ Open minded: She doesn’t have a rigid idea of who is right for her, and is happy to get to know you.
✅ Independent: She’s not interested in you for anything other than you. There’s no sob stories, or asks for financial support.
✅ Healthy: She’s mature enough to value sleeping and eating well. There’s no major issues with drink or drug abuse.
✅ Warm: When you make a move towards her, she moves towards you. She may go more slowly than you, but ultimately you’re heading in the same direction.
✅ Open: She talks about friends and family and is happy (in time) for you to meet them. There’s no area of her life that feels siloed.
✅ Tactile: After a few dates she’s happy to share a kiss, or if she has strong religious views about physical contact, explains them to you. From the get-go your relationship should feel romantic.
So now you know what your green flags are to meet the right woman what’s the…
The #1 Mistake That Keeps Men Stuck with the Wrong Women
❌ Ignoring the 'Maybe Zone'
The biggest mistake men make? They waste time on women who are constantly on the fence about them. The woman is kinda interested, but not really. The chemistry is there, but she’s inconsistent.
This is tough because sometimes you can have a great connection, and chemistry, but for some reason (not always to do with you) she’s not able to move forwards with your relationship.
It can feel like you have every piece of the puzzle to forming a great relationship - except the most important one, which is her being on the same page as you about wanting to build a relationship.
Look: It’s true that women are often slower to warm up than men and take a few dates (3-5) to decide that they like you. However, if it constantly feels like it’s one step forwards, two back, you could get locked into the “maybe zone” with the wrong woman for a long time.
Why this kills your chances:
- ‘Maybe’ women drain your time & energy.
- Keeps you from meeting the right women.
- Leads to frustration & over-investing in the wrong person.
If it makes you feel better, women have exactly the same problem with men who are on the fence about them.
Bottom line: You’re a high effort guy who is clear about your dating goals and you need a woman who is on the same page as you.
If you want to start meeting the right women, you have to stop settling for the wrong ones.
Want help meeting & attracting the right women in the real world? Check out my men's dating bootcamp to learn how.
