How do you make her apply to be your girlfriend?
A huge stick point for many guys out there is that they don’t have high enough standards for the women they date. What's the problem with this? Well, you could end up communicating `LIKE ME!’ instead of actually building a genuine connection with her that will make her want to date you. Now remember, for women, it's important she feels you are choosing her to be your girlfriend for something she's contributed to the interaction with you. You want to avoid her feeling that you are just desperate to have her in your life because you find her attractive. Today I want to teach you how to develop better standards for the women you date.
This will help you to start communicating with women as a high value man, and become more attractive to her. Read on to learn how to show to her that you're selecting her based on how she's showing up on your dates, not because she looks good on paper. If until this point you have always wondered how to get her to like you and keep her interested in you, that stops now. Instead I want you to always ask yourself: "How do I choose the best women to invest my time and energy?"
Plan girlfriend: Stage one
So what's the first stage to having better standards for the women you date? Know what you're looking for!!!
If your wish list for women at the moment is that she's cute and nice, you're going to need to develop a clearer picture of what kind of characteristics you're looking for in a partner. This is designed to bring you more onto an equal playing field with her.
Women usually have a long wish list of stuff that they're looking out for in a guy. Her process of attraction is a bit slower than yours. So she needs to see how you engage with her. She needs to know how you interact together before she feels sure she's attracted to you.
On the flip side, you might take one look at her and know she's your type. But if you go on to show that you've chosen her based on her looks, it's not going to communicate good enough standards about who you are as a guy. So how would you go about developing this idea of what personal qualities and behaviours you should be looking out for in a woman? Particularly if you don't have that much dating experience at the moment?
There will be clues in other areas of your life. Can you think about your close friends or people that you love to hang out with? How did they go about interacting with you? What qualities do they show that you gel with? Is there something here that we can borrow and look out for in your romantic relationships?
By having these standards, and a clear idea of what you're looking for, you will also help yourself to slow down your process of how much you like her. Plus you will learn not to put her on a pedestal too soon. This way your process of growing attraction to her will be based on how you interact and it will reflect how she's feeling about you as well.
Plan girlfriend: Stage two
So what's the next step you need to do to make her apply to be your girlfriend? Now that you've got those ideas of what standards you like, the next thing you want to do is check out whether she meets some of those standards. You also want to know if things line up for you two. You’re there to see if you are compatible with her, not just to impress her at all costs remember?
For instance, if you know that you love going to festivals, if you'd appreciate a woman who would go along for the ride, you could say:
Quick question. So I just have to check out what are your feelings around mud, live music, and festival costumes?
By asking questions like this you're showing that you're coming from a perspective of `my life is really awesome. I'm happy with my life. And I'm actually interviewing you to see how much you would fit in with me.’
Do not thinking how to impress her. Think about how you can ask questions around the qualities that are really important to you? Could you say something like: "Okay, important question and be really honest. What's your worst quality?"
Could you for instance say: "You know what? Fitness is so important to me. I absolutely love getting out and about on the weekends. Are you the kind of person that likes just lounging around watching some TV? Or do you like to do fitness stuff as well?"
By coming from this perspective of "if you fit in with me", you're going to find that you have a clear route and direction for the conversation. Plus she will feel positively challenged by the conversation. She won't feel like you're falling over yourself to be with her. If you do decide to move forward with this dating experience she will know it's because you've built a genuine connection with her.
Plan girlfriend: Stage three
The third part of building this genuine connection and demonstrating you have standards is to actually listen to her. Many guys out there are racing through the conversation. They're going through the motions rather than engaging with her. You'll find this if you feel like you're running out of conversation all the time. You're trying to think about questions to ask her. You don't feel that she asks any questions about you. When she answers a question, your first thought is what to ask next.
In your conversations, I want you to think about two things. First of all, you need to understand the importance of sharing information about yourself. Remember, you have to be interesting as a person, as well as be interested in her. You will do this by feeling comfortable to talk about things in your life that you're passionate about. Things that you are into whether that's sports computer games, or running your business part time, again. When you're coming from that space of high self esteem, you will show how proud you are of what's going on within your life.
Active listening
The other part of this is to actively listen to her. Sometimes people communicate on lots of different levels. It's not just the words that she's saying, it's how she said them that will give clues away on who she really is. You need to learn to really engage with her, and see if she lines up with you, instead of it just being an automatic `yes’ from you.
(Learn more about active listening here.)
Don’t over give
Another thing I want you to think about is not over giving on your dates. This `like me, like me’ insecurity may come through in being the guy who tries to make the date last longer. Or to keep on buying rounds of drinks, even if you don’t like her that much. It's the guy who will drop into the conversation that his friend has a boat, and she should check it out. Be aware of when you're trying to over-give and when you're not showing enough trust in yourself.
Steer away from trying to overly impress her with things like elaborate and fancy dates or offers of cool stuff you could do together. Again, it shouldn't come from a place where that's offered to her on a platter. It should come from a place where you've built a connection and that's why you want to share that experience with her.
If you frequently get to the end of a date, and you feel tired and bored, a bit broke (because you spent too much money on her) or you feel angry at yourself for oversharing- it might be time to learn to rein that stuff back in.
Plan girlfriend: Stage four
So my final tip for having better standards or not over giving on your date is simply to know that it's okay for you to walk away first. It's okay for you to end the date early. It's also okay for you to let an interaction go because you don't feel enough of a connection. If you're putting tons of effort and energy in and you're getting nothing back, even if she looks like your type, this interaction is probably destined to make you feel frustrated. It's never going to feel rewarding.
It's really important for you to understand that not all dates need to have the same outcome. Just because you've got an attractive woman in front of you, it doesn't mean that you have to try and drive everything towards a relationship or some kind of physical contact. Have better standards for yourself.
You want to put yourself out there and invest more time and energy into someone that you have more than just a physical attraction to. The right women for you, you will not only find really attractive, but they will also have the personal qualities you are looking for.
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It's often a lot easier to go out there and channel your energy to meet new women who are more aligned with you rather than try and change some woman's mind who isn't putting the same level of effort and energy into your interactions.
I hope you find these 4 tips useful and that from now on you will have high standards for dating and finding a girlfriend that is more than her looks.
If you are committed to improving your standards (and confidence!) for dating, I’d highly recommend that you check out my online coaching community the HQ Club and take my 30 day kickstart challenge.
