Do you ever feel like she’s testing you? Or sending you mixed signals? Let’s lift the lid on how and why women test you. Want to pass her tests every time? Get step-by-step coaching inside my Men’s Masterclass, where you’ll learn how to decode her signals, build attraction, and become a high-value man.
As a dating coach to both men and women with over 15 years experience, there’s not much that I don’t know about how men and women relate to each other (or more accurately, miss out on each other!) In this blog I’ll be teaching you:
- Is it true that women test men to figure out who they should date?
- What are 10 signs she’s testing you?
- How to pass women’s tests whilst remaining authentic and confident.
Do women test men? Really?
Women don’t test men in the sense that they’re not walking around with a scoring card that they complete after your dates (although I totally get that it often feels that way!!)
However women do (often subconsciously) test men to probe and figure out who they should partner up with.
This means when she’s testing you, it’s not intended to be a negative thing. She’s not trying to give you mixed signals, or make you totally frustrated by going hot to cold. What she is trying to do is figure out, “of all the men I could potentially partner up with, who is the best pick for me?”
Why do women test men?
In short: She’s got too many applicants for the role!
Let’s get into the dating life of an attractive woman: Whilst you may have to put a ton of time and effort into a dating app to get any matches, for an attractive woman she will have 100s of matches in no time.
Sounds like paradise? Well not quite… Imagine if you were tasked with filtering and then “interviewing” 100s of matches to figure out who’s the best person for the role? It’s not that easy. Along the way, women get emotionally exhausted by dating, make mistakes, choose the “wrong” guys and have to go back to square one.
This is why women test men, she’s trying to work out (sometimes painfully ineffectively) who the best match for her is.
As she’s made some bad calls before she’ll also be pushing you to gauge if you’re genuinely interested.
What kind of men do women want to date?
So what’s she looking for in her tests?
Well, women want men who they’re sexually attracted to (but for women, how a man acts is often more important than how he looks.)
Women also like men who show up as being good providers: Whether that’s because he’s successful, or emotionally available, women are drawn to men who project strength and stability.
Finally, women are really into men who “know what they want”.
If you appear timid, or lukewarm, in how you interact with a woman; she’ll find it hard to get that excited about you.
If you’re not that into her, why should she be into you?
Remember women will only test men they are somewhat interested in. So if you’re on the receiving end of her tests, a surefire way to “pass” is to show that you’re able to be decisive, bold, straight talking and authentic, because you know who you are, and what you want.
Women test men to find the strongest, most confident partners. Don’t leave it to chance—learn how to handle any test effortlessly inside my Men’s Masterclass.
Right, are you ready? Let’s look at these tests!
10 Signs She’s Testing You & How To Pass Every Time
Sign 1: She challenges your opinions
Women will test men by challenging your opinions. She says, “you don’t seriously like that movie?”
What she’s not looking for is for you to row back on things you like, to make your preferences more aligned with hers.
“Yeah I mean it was a bit dumb, I guess I just liked it for the effects,” would be a bad response. Women will get the ick if men seem to change who they are, to fit in more with who she is. To her this comes across as distrustful, like you will say or do anything to win her over.
✅ How to pass: Instead show strength and confidence in your own opinions. This is not only way more attractive, but also more fun:
“I didn’t just like it, I loved it, and you will too if you watch it again.”
You don’t need to agree with her about your taste in movies, music, or sports; but you do need to show you’re open to healthy debate.
Sign 2: She Acts Hot and Cold
Most women don’t intentionally act hot and cold. If you feel you’re getting this mixed signal from her, it’s probably because her feelings towards you are unclear. Most women you meet won’t immediately know if they see you as a potential romantic partner; as she’s getting to know you she may feel more or less interested in you.
Her behaviour may also shift depending on other things going on in her life… or if her ex-boyfriend has got in touch.
✅ How to Pass: Don’t chase or overreact. If she hasn’t got back to your last message, be prepared to let it rest for (at least!) a few days before you reach out again.
When you do, don’t assume her lack of response is to do with you, “^Sorry if that was too much too soon” cringe! Instead strike a neutral, confident tone, “Checking in – how’s your week?”
Sign 3: She Asks About Other Women
Sometimes you make such a good impression on her, that she immediately becomes convinced you do this all the time, "So, do you always flirt with girls at coffee shops?"
This is her (slightly caustic) way of figuring out whether you’re genuinely into her, or a player who is doomed to let her down.
✅ How to Pass: Respond playfully and confidently without over-explaining. If you don’t address this, it will come across as distrustful; however, you’ve also only just met so right now she doesn’t deserve a blow-by-blow on your dating life.
“Totally, you’re the fourth woman I’ve asked out today. Kidding! I just prefer to meet people in person, dating apps aren’t really for me.”
Sign 4: She Tests Your Patience
On behalf of women, I feel embarrassed to admit this but women do test men by showing their annoyance, or disapproval, through their actions. For example, if she feels your date suggestion is lazy, she may lag in responding or even turn up late to the date!!
✅ How to Pass: Don’t lose your temper— it’s tricky but that will often place you in the wrong. Instead directly call out her behaviour in a way that’s fun and playful. This shows you’re unafraid to talk openly to her, but that you’re not all that phased by her behaviour. This in turns shows her, you’re not that into her - yet!
“Did my suggestion of meeting at the local pub not exactly sweep you off your feet?”
Sign 5: She Pokes Fun at You
When a woman teases you, it’s often a really good sign! Whilst she may accidentally stumble upon one of your insecurities (yup, your mom did buy that shirt) when a woman teases you it’s showing that she’s investing in the relationship with you. Teasing you is one of the most obvious ways she’s trying to flirt!
✅ How to Pass: Laugh it off or playfully tease back to show confidence.
If her teasing you causes a negative reaction, she may be taken aback. Instead show self confidence by running with the joke.
“Yes my mom bought this shirt, and my shoes, and my jacket. Do you think I need another woman in my life? If so I could start taking applicants for the job.”
Sign 6: She Cancels Plans Last Minute
“Something came up.” Don't get me wrong, it is super annoying when women cancel your plans last minute, especially if they seem to do it with a flippant, “my energy levels are down today.” It’s like she’s forgotten you also have a life!
Yes, this is a sign that she’s not that into you. So here the way that you pass her test, is to show her that your interest in her is also conditional.
✅ How to Pass: Be cool about it but avoid rescheduling immediately—let her reinitiate the chat. This shows her that you’ve taken her inconsiderate cancellation on board, and you’ve lost a little interest.
This is hard to do when you feel like she’s your one good option, however, you’ve still got to interact with her like a guy who has options to be attractive. Plus it’s good for your own self esteem not to chase her up.
Sign 7: She Flirts With Other Guys
If a woman likes you, she may test your interest by casually mentioning a "friend" she’s close to. Or how many weird messages she got from guys on a dating app last week. This is her way of letting you know she’s in demand, and whilst it often comes off as immature, what she’s angling for here is confirmation of your interest.
✅ How to Pass: Stay composed—don’t show jealousy. Demonstrate that you’re confident and secure. Your mindset here is that the other guys don’t matter - there’s only one you!
“He sounds like a cool guy, look he may have a little crush, but it’s totally up to you whether you still want to hang with him.”
Sign 8: She Asks You to Do Favors
Women like to ask men to help do things for them, whether that’s “Can you help me move this weekend?” or fetching her a drink from the fridge. Here she’s not trying to make you her slave (!) What she is trying to do is to act in a traditionally feminine way, to create attraction with you.
✅ How to Pass: Help if it’s reasonable, but don’t overextend yourself to seek approval. If you’re in a fully intimate, romantic relationship with a woman, it’s no big deal to help her out with stuff - this can in fact strengthen your bond and connection. It’s only when you’re not in a fully intimate relationship that you want to pass.
If she’s cagey about going on a date with you, or you’ve barely kissed, then consider how much you’re investing into the relationship with her: She may need another guy to get those boxes!
Sign 9: She Withholds Affection
For women, emotional and physical intimacy are often closely connected. If a woman suddenly shuts off sexually, this doesn’t necessarily mean she’s testing you. What she could be trying to signal here is that she doesn’t feel that close to you right now, and so any suggestion of intimacy with her feels wide of the mark.
✅ How to Pass: Don’t panic—instead try to get to the root of the issue. Ask her in an emotionally neutral way if there’s something she needs from you, that she’s not asking for. Women can be indirect communicators and cagey about expressing what they want (and yes sometimes they hope you’ll magically guess!). Cut through this with clear but kind communication.
“I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a little distant lately, and I wondered if there was a reason for that. You know I’m a guy, and you may have to just spell out to me what you want, but I’m here to listen to it.”
Sign 10: She Brings Up Her Ex
"My ex used to do this..." it can be a little annoying when a woman tests you by mentioning her ex. Women may sometimes use their exes as a way of indirectly saying, ‘this is how I expect to be treated.’
Whilst it’s easy to get thrown off by this test, remember if their relationship had worked out they would still be together today. See this test for what it is: Often a ploy to get your attention.
✅ How to Pass: Avoid reacting negatively. Show confidence by steering the conversation back to the present.
“Look, I’m sure Daniel had his good points, but I think what you’re trying to tell me is that you’d like me to be more affectionate?”
I know it can be confusing when women seem to test your interest in them, however often her tests are coming either from her own insecurities (she likes you, so feels vulnerable) or just differences in how men and women relate to one another.
You always pass her test by remaining authentic, confident and direct! Want to stop second-guessing and start leading in dating? Inside my Men’s Masterclass, you’ll get expert coaching to build confidence, attract high-quality women, and pass any test—every time.
