Have you ever been on a date, or in a conversation, and wondered, ‘Does she want me to get closer, or am I imagining it?’ ‘Is she into me?’
Here’s the good news: Women often send clear signals when they want you to take the next step—just without saying a word!
In this blog I’ll share my expert opinion on:
- 9 subtle, but unmistakable, signs she’s ready for you to get closer.
- Why don't women just tell you what they want?!
- Why you often won’t get a cast iron signal until you make a bolder move on her.
1. She Makes Herself More Open
Have you ever sat across a table from a woman and noticed that her arms are resting palm side up on the table? When women want to invite more touch from a man, they often give you open body language. That could be:
- Arms palm side up on a table.
- Moving her hair to expose the nape of her neck.
Action Step: Leaving her arms to either side of her, not folded across her body: If you notice this, reach across the table, take her hands, and ask her a question about a piece of jewellery that she’s wearing.
2. She Maintains Eye Contact & Smiles
This is an obvious sign but it’s worth mentioning! Often when I ask my female clients what they do to flirt - this subtle answer is top on their list.
- Smiling at you shows warmth and receptivity.
- Holding eye contact for 4-5 seconds is a key way we show interest in another person. Make sure if she’s looking at you to return her gaze (and if you haven’t spoken yet, go and talk to her!)
Action Step: An easy way to make your dates with her feel more flirtatious is for you to practice the triangular gaze: Look from her left eye, to her right eye, to her lips.
3. She Finds Excuses To Touch You
Touch is one of the easiest ways she can build a connection with you and show you that she’s interested in having a deeper relationship.
- If a woman is initiating touch, you can be almost certain that she would have been receptive to touch at an earlier stage in your interaction.
- Lightly brushing your arm, adjusting your collar, or light touches to your arms are all simple first steps she could take to initiate touch with you.
Action Step: You want to show that you’re more than comfortable with this increase in physical intimacy. Reciprocate her touch, and step it up. If she just touched you on the arm, shoot for her shoulder or lower back.
4. She Leans In When You Talk
A woman is unlikely to say, “hey come sit closer to me,” but she may lean in towards you to increase physical closeness.
- This isn’t exactly the same as kissing you, but by getting closer to you, she could be signalling that she’s receptive if you’d like to kiss her.
Action Step: If you’re unsure about how to find your moment to kiss her, it’s totally acceptable to ask! Saying, “so, can I kiss you now?” in a slow calm voice helps you to establish consent and is still sexy!
5. She Mirrors Your Movements
If a woman is into you she will also mirror your movements more generally. Mirroring is a way that you show you are connected to someone; it’s also a very subtle way that she slips into the feminine role in the interaction, by following your lead.
- If you adjust your posture, does she subconsciously adjust hers?
- Do you notice her literally following you around the room, or date venue?
Action step: One on one time is key for building romantic intimacy. If you’ve noticed a woman at your salsa class who always seems to just be there when you’re looking for a partner, or there’s a woman at your college class who always winds up turning up for lunch at the same time as you, something could be up! Shoot for one on one time over a coffee to explore your connection further.
6. She Plays With Her Hair
A little bit like a classic American high school movie, playing with her hair is a well known signal that she might be flirting with you.
- Moving her hair from one shoulder to the other, exposing the nape of her neck, or twisting it around her finger as she talks to you are all good signals.
Action step: Never look at one sign in isolation, fidgeting with her hair could show nerves as well as attraction!
7. She Laughs At Your Jokes
If she wants you to make a move, she’ll be pulling some strings in the background to help you to feel that she likes you! Laughing at your jokes is a no brainer for signalling her interest in you.
- It’s been proven that people fall in love with people who mirror them, this isn’t just in terms of body language but also in terms of their attitudes, and yes their sense of humour.
- Slight note of caution here: Laughing at your jokes could mean she wants to impress you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she sees you as a romantic interest. She could also be interested in you as a business contact.
Action Step: Watch out this doesn’t exactly work the same way the other way around. In fact laughing at all her jokes could make you seem more like a friend, than a romantic prospect. That’s because women are more drawn to men who express typically masculine qualities like leadership, and a willingness to ruffle some feathers. So laugh with her, but don’t shy away from teasing her also.
8. She Fidgets With Her Clothes & Jewellery
Again fidgeting can signal nerves, however it could also signal that she’s attracted to you and wants to look her best.
- Adjusting her neckline, fiddling with a necklace, or smoothing her outfit, are all great examples.
- If you’re on a date and you’ve noticed her reapplying her lipstick, or she’s late for your date because she couldn’t decide on her outfit (!) These are all good signs.
Action Step: Your first few dates should feel like there’s a little excitement in the air. If everyone’s super comfortable with another, and it feels ‘pleasant’, then you may not be hitting the right notes for her to feel the spark. If you notice some tension, don’t water this down by playing it safe, enjoy it and ramp it up! A simple way to do this is to notice her, “you swapped out your lipstick, it looks good on you.”
9. Her Feet Or Body Point Towards You
If she’s interested in you she will tend to turn her body towards you, again this sets you up to move closer to her.
- On a date look out for her legs crossed towards you, and her foot brushing against yours.
- In a social setting, notice if a woman’s feet are pointing towards yours.
Action Step: If you’re in a social setting and notice a woman’s body language is directed towards you, find a way to get some 1-1 time. It will often feel hard to build the right level of emotional intimacy to ask for her number in a group setting.
Recognizing these non-verbal cues can help you avoid mixed signals and take confident action. Building a habit of observing her body language to gauge comfort and interest levels, can help you to find your feet in an interaction with her and be able to gauge when to make your move.
Why doesn’t she just TELL you she wants you to get closer?
Women often communicate attraction nonverbally through body language and subtle cues. This can feel frustrating as it’s often hard for you, as a guy, to work out exactly where you stand.
Understandably, after the #metoo movement you also probably don’t really want to go out on a limb and make a move, if you run the risk of coming off as creepy.
So why can’t women just tell you what they want?
She probably doesn’t know what she wants yet.
A woman’s attraction process is usually slower to get started than a man’s. That’s because women are drawn to a wide range of qualities that help her to feel attraction (which indicate the man’s stability), whilst men tend to prioritise a woman’s looks (which indicate fertility).
What this means is whilst you can assess attraction quickly, she takes longer to figure out if she likes you.
So in the early stages of dating she doesn’t know how much she likes you, so you don’t get clear signals.
She thinks demure is sexy.
Women (and trust me I know this, as I coach women too) are often worried about putting men off by coming on too strong. Whilst many men would love women to be clearer, women’s dating advice often centres around letting the man take initiative.
She often believes you will like her more if you have to put more effort into the ‘chase’.
Women can also feel that being sexually forward is ‘shameful’ so they’ll hold off on giving you a clearer signal until they know where they stand with you.
She figures if you like her enough, you’ll make a move.
Women often don’t really understand that men find making a move on a woman terrifying. In her world, she often doesn’t consider the anxiety men feel around escalating the relationship.
Instead a lot of women operate on the assumption that if you’re confident in yourself, and attracted to her enough, that you will step it up. If you don't, maybe you’re just not that into her.
This lack of pursuit from you is read by her as you having lukewarm interest in her, and unsurprisingly can also makes her more laissez faire about getting to know you.
Why You Shouldn’t Wait For A Cast Iron Signal
Whilst learning to read her body language is helpful, often one of the secrets to success with women is becoming more comfortable with expressing what you’d like to have happen next, even without a 100% clear read on the situation.
- Remember women often don’t go into a first date knowing if they like you, so if you hold back until you get a strong signal you could be waiting a long time.
- This is even more true as lots of men will struggle to correctly interpret a woman’s signals.
- Women will be more attracted to men who are confident in themselves. If you make a socially smooth but confident move, this will often increase her attraction and then you’ll get a clearer signal from her.
An easy way to appear (and eventually become) more confident is to start expressing what you want to do next, without leapfrogging over any steps in the interaction. For example, if you’re sitting side by side, and she’s leaning in, you may have to say that you want to kiss her. Or if you’ve met in a social setting, you’re going to need to tell her that you’d like to get to know her 1-1.
Clear and direct communication from you at key stages like these can transform your interaction from a ‘maybe’ to red hot. So, yes be aware of body language signs that she wants to get closer, but don’t rely on them to step up your relationship with her. With some courage, you have the ability to transform your relationship today.
