Before you make a move, it's important you feel confident a woman is sexually attracted to you.
In this blog, I demystify female signals of sexual interest. Having coached men and women for 15 years, I have spoken to a LOT of women who have the hots for a guy — and now it’s my turn to let you in on those secrets.
I'll provide my expert opinion on:
- What are 10 secret body language cues she sends that show she’s sexually attracted to you?
- What are 5 big changes in her behavior you’ll notice from a woman who is into you, versus one who isn’t (sorry!)
- Plus what are 3 ways her digital communication with you will change?
- What if you’ve not got any signs from her (huh? - don’t worry all will be revealed!)
Understanding Sexual Attraction
According to Choosing Therapy sexual attraction is a combination of “biological, psychological, and social factors, and some people don’t feel sexually attracted to others at all.”
This means that her attraction to you isn’t driven by one thing; it’s a composite picture built up from many different factors such as:
- Your age
- Your physical appearance
- Your income
- Your intelligence
- Your confidence
- … and the emotional connection she feels to you
To help you understand how a woman becomes sexually attracted to you, it’s also important to know that women typically place greater emphasis on some qualities than men do. In the study “Sex differences in sexual attraction for aesthetics, resources and personality across age” it showed that on average, females rate "age, education, intelligence, income, trust, and emotional connection around 9 to 14 points higher than males" on a 0–100 scale.
(Males, on the other hand, showed greater priority for attractiveness and physical build.)
Put simply, just because you may notice straightaway if she’s your physical type, she, on the other hand, may focus more on your emotional, financial and intellectual prowess.
Thus the more you interact with her (provided those interactions are positive!) you may get more signs from a woman that she’s sexually attracted to you.
10 Body Language Signs A Woman Is Sexually Attracted To You
To kickstart your understanding of signs a woman is sexually attracted to you, let’s take a look at 10 body language cues that she’s into you.
1. She keeps the space next to her free
If a woman is sexually attracted to you, in every way shape and form she will make herself available to connect with you more.
If she:
- Budges over on a date so you can sit next to her (instead of opposite her)
- Moves her bag so you can take the seat next to her
- At a party, or in a college class, leaves the seat next to her free
These are all great signs that she wants you to take the opportunity to talk to her more. Conversely if she sees you coming along and hurries to sit with her friend, or barricades herself off with a bag, this would be a negative sign!
2. She’s comfortable with you moving closer to her
One of the key ways you can “sense” if a woman is sexually attracted to you is by how close she lets you come towards her.
In this dating advice video I show you all the tiny steps that you can use to build up to a kiss.
Long story short, you can signal to her that you’re thinking about kissing her by gradually moving in, then out of, her personal space.
When you first lean in towards her, you don’t stay that close to her, it will feel too intense. However, you may check that she’s comfortable with you by briefly appearing in her intimate space (less than 1.5 inches away from her) and seeing how she reacts.
If she pulls backwards or freezes up, this is a bad sign, halt!
If she leans in, this is a good sign.
3. She seems physically relaxed
One of the easiest ways to tell if a woman is sexually attracted to you (or is at least comfortable in your company) is to see how relaxed she seems around you.
If she appears tense, or if you indicate for her to move i.e. you try to take her hand, link arms, or guide her along a street, and she resists your movement by feeling heavy, tense, or withdrawing, bad sign!
If she allows herself to be guided by you, and follows your flow, good sign!
(If you’re not fully comfortable with physical touch yourself, and find it doesn’t feel “smooth”, then I’d highly recommend taking a partner dance class, like Salsa or Bachata to help you practice how to physically connect with women.)
4. She touches you
If a woman touches you it’s an obvious sign that she likes you, and is to an extent comfortable with you.
Take some caution here though as some women are more touchy-feely than others! If her love language is physical touch, or she grew up in a very tactile family, she may naturally want to reach out and touch (for myself personally I’m a hugger!!!)
However, that pat on the shoulder may just show she cares, not that she’s attracted to you.
If she allows her knees to touch yours, or her leg brushes against yours, or she strokes your arm with lingering eye contact… then these are all much clearer signs that a woman is sexually attracted to you.
5. She touches herself
We all have erogenous zones over our bodies, which are areas that are highly sensitive to physical touch. A 2013 paper on erogenous zones showed that the top erogenous zones are:
- The inner thigh
- The neck
- The mouth
- The lips
If you’re on a date with a woman and she’s actively stroking her body in these places, she’s initiating a touch that’s physically pleasurable in your company! This surely must be a good thing, but remember you don’t know exactly how she feels about you, until you actively communicate with her (more on this later.)
6. She holds your eye contact OR looks down at her feet
One of the quirks of signs that a woman is sexually attracted to you, is that sometimes signs can conflict - oh!
A woman looking at you, then swiftly looking down at her feet can equally mean:
- I don’t like this guy at all, I hope he stops looking at me!
- I think this guy is really hot and I feel overwhelmed holding his gaze
Confusing! Typically women who are attracted to you will sneak a peek back to look at you again. This is because eye contact is a way we nonverbally build intimacy, and signal to someone that we want to build an emotionally intimate connection - we’re not just here to exchange information.
7. She lets her hair down
Ask a group of men what are some signs that a woman is sexually attracted to you and they will probably say, “playing with her hair.” Women also know that playing with their hair is a way to say, “I’m attracted to you.” Unfortunately like many signs, they can also be read multiple ways! If she fidgets (with her hair or otherwise) this can also mean, ‘I’m nervous and not in a good way.’
It’s really important that you don’t just look at one sign a woman is sexually attracted to you in isolation, instead you want to see multiple signals before drawing any hard and fast conclusions.
Women letting their hair down could also show that she’s moving out of “work mode” and into a more feminine and relaxed place. It’s also a strong signal to send to men, as longer hair is considered more sexually desirable and signals a woman’s reproductive potential.
Women can also move their hair around their heads, leaving it to hang over one shoulder, to expose the nape of their necks. Head tilts can be a sign of submission; but again watch out she could do this subconsciously as she sees you as an authority figure, not just because she’s sexually attracted to you!
8. She’s happy to stand close to you head on
If a woman moves closer to you, she’s letting you into her intimate space. This is even more significant if she moves closer head on.
Try this out today: If you stand 1.5 inches away from someone (the intimate zone) side on, it will feel intense but manageable (FYI this is why sitting side by side with her on a date is a great idea!) Try standing 1.5 inches away from someone head on and it will feel A LOT more intense.
So if you’re on a date and you find yourself in this body language position, with prolonged eye contact, this is one of the clearest signals that a woman would like to kiss you.
9. She playfully hides
A go-to way that women appear demure and feminine on dates is to use their body language to playfully “hide” from you.
This could mean that she:
- Puts her hands over her cheeks
- Covers her eyes, and does a huge grin
- Pulls her scarf up over her eyes and then pulls it down again
I know this because I also coach women to meet men in real life, and these are a few of the flirtatious body language cues I teach them!
10. She opens her arms out towards you on a table
As I mentioned earlier, dates that you can sit side by side on, are usually much better for getting close to her in a way that feels comfortable. However if you end up sitting opposite her on a date (doh!) notice the position of her arms. Does she fold her arms, or put her mobile phone in between you?
Or are her arms stretched out towards you on the table, palms up? If so this open body language is inviting a closer connection. Could you try noticing her jewelry or briefly picking up her hand?
5 Behavioural signs a woman is sexually attracted to you?
Now we’ve looked closely at body language, how do a woman’s actions change if she’s into you?
1. She makes herself available for you
It’s pretty straightforward: If a woman isn’t into you (or just not that into you) then she’ll have every excuse in the book to not meet. She’ll have too much studying to catch up on, a deadline, a friend’s come to stay, she’s not feeling well etc.
If a woman is interested in you she’ll be at pains to create time to meet you. You’ll find that she finds time for a quick meeting, stays out later than she intended, moves her commitments with her friends, or turns up at the party she knows you’ll be at!
Remember desire always overcomes logistics, so if a woman isn’t meeting up, it’s not usually that she can’t, it’s that she won’t, because you’re not enough of a priority to her yet.
2. She agrees with you!
In order to feel closer to you, she may start by agreeing on a lot of topics. If you find she:
- Suddenly loves bouldering (your favorite hobby)
- Follows the same people on social media
- Starts listening to the music you like
…she’s interested in you. This is especially true is she makes a point of letting you know that she likes the same things; or coos “oh that is so interesting,” when you mention a detail from your life.
By agreeing a lot with you she’s trying to draw your attention to what a great match you are!
3. She disagrees with you
Yup, this is yet another sign a woman is sexually attracted to you that can be read in two ways.
Trust me, sometimes women will just disagree with you, and it does not mean there’s any simmering sexual tension beneath the surface. She may just think you’re an as*hole.
However, if her disagreement is communicated with a huge smile and a playful tone of voice “Oh my gosh i can’t keep hanging out with you, if you’re into that!”
Or, “Okay let’s meet for tennis practice Saturday but be prepared to lose!”
Or, “Why are you always right?!”
She’s trying to have fun with you! Being playful is one of the easiest ways for women to show they’re sexually attracted to you and flirt. Flirting is fun, and this playful disagreement is encouraging you to flirt with her.
4. She’s always full of enthusiasm around you
When she’s excited about the prospect of getting to know you more, this will show up in her behavior, she’ll come across as energized, enthusiastic and smiley. That’s because when we spend time with someone we’re sexually attracted to, it’s exciting!
(All this energy she suddenly has, will also make it easy for her to find time in her packed schedule to meet you, or stay up past her bedtime on a date, she’ll want more and more of you!)
Conversely if a woman is (how do I say this??) “mopey” around you this is a bad sign. She’s probably not into you if:
- She leaves a date early because she’s tired
- She talks continually about her ex and how he let her down
- Her responses to your suggestions to meet more are lethargic, “yeah I guess I could be free.” etc
5. She dresses up for you
When a woman is attracted to you she will make an effort with her appearance, because she wants you to like her. If you meet a woman you like you may sweat it out over where to take her, and what you can say to impress her.
The other way around she’ll probably be planning her best date night outfit, getting her nails done or even if you’re going hiking, will turn up in her newest most form fitting gym kit.
Women know men are drawn to how they look, and the more effort she’s putting into her appearance, the more she’s investing in the outcome of that date.
3 Communication Clues She’s Sexually Attracted To You
1. She sends you photos
Women who aren’t sexually attracted to you, will do almost everything to stop themselves being “seen” by you, “how do I block this guy on Instagram - yuk!” Women who are into you will want to keep themselves in the front of your mind.
This could mean she:
- Sends you an impossibly hot picture of her “just waiting for my flight.” (As if that didn’t take her 10 attempts to get that selfie right!)
- Sends you a picture of her out on a night out with her girlfriends. Here she could be trying to communicate to you, “don’t worry, I’m just out with the girls, you’re the guy I’m into.”
- Sends you regular updates on her life via pictures, videos, voicenotes, wow she really wants to connect!
Back in my single days, I even remember changing my WhatsApp profile picture being a very effective strategy to get a guy to get back in touch!
2. She initiates conversations with you
When it comes to dating women have had it drummed into them that making the first move is bad. She’ll worry if she tries too hard, or comes across too keen, that it will spoil the chase and put you off. This means when a woman is sexually attracted to a guy, she’ll be “sitting on her hands” A LOT to try to stop herself from reaching out to you.
Inevitably sometimes she will fail and get in touch! If a woman:
- Contacts you out of the blue to see how you are, or wish you Happy Holidays
- Tries to keep the conversation going even when it’s reached its natural conclusion
- Keep finding excuses to ask you about something…
These are all digital communication clues that she could be sexually attracted to you.
3. She follows you on social media
A big sign that she’s sexually attracted to you, is how she interacts with you on social media. If she:
- Follows you back immediately
- Reacts with emojis to your stories, posts and videos
- Responds to, or even slides you, a dm
- Is the first to watch your stories/ videos (or maybe it’s her bff if she’s playing it cool!)
Bottom line, she will want to connect more with you, if she’s excited by you. She may also want to get a sense of what kind of relationship you’re looking for, or even if you could be seeing any other women!!!
What If You Don’t Receive ANY Signs From Her?
Even if you receive ZERO signs from her that she’s sexually attracted to you, this doesn’t mean it’s a bust. Remember what I said at the beginning of this blog? Women often give less priority to your looks, and more priority to how they connect with you, how smart you are, how much they trust you etc.
If you have had only very limited interactions with her, like a brief chat on a dating app, or a few minutes conversation in real life, it would be unrealistic to expect a strong sign of sexual attraction from her. She simply doesn’t know you well enough to like you, yet! If, however, you start to engage with her in way that she perceives to be attractive, her attraction to you can (and will) grow.
Whatever you do, don’t get stuck in the mindset of waiting for a woman to choose you, as that day may never come. That’s not a negative reflection on you, but women are hardwired to experience attraction differently. Instead, see that creating attraction with her is a huge growth area for you. There are many, many things you can say and do that will ignite a spark with her, right off the bat, even if you’re not her usual type.
If you can become the kind of guy who maximizes his opportunities to meet women, and who is clear about his intentions, there will be a lot more women who (given some time) will show signs that they’re sexually attracted to you.
