There’s nothing more frustrating than spending your whole evening talking to a guy, and he’s just not asking for your number. If he’s not making his move, you might be wondering how to ask a guy for his number.
As a female pick-up artist, I have 15 years experience teaching women how to men in real life. What’s more I don’t just theorise about what works, but my signature real world dating bootcamps take women out “into the wild” to learn how to meet men. My coaching is crammed full of practical techniques that you can use to transform your confidence: including how to ask a guy for his number.
In this blog I’ll be covering:
- Should you ask for a guy’s number, or should he always make the first move?
- What are 3 tried and tested “cool” to ask a guy for his number?
- How to feel if even after all that he still doesn’t get in touch.
Should you ask for a guy’s number? Or is it too direct?
Traditionally men have been the initiators in dating: They would be expected to make the first move, to initiate a kiss, to pop the proposal. Now before everyone complains that it shouldn’t be all on men to make the first move let me explain the logic behind this.
Women are traditionally the “choosers” in dating, meaning they need to filter through lots of potential suitors (ladies if you’re short on options, you need to get in touch!) and part of filtering through those options is looking out for men who are really in it to win it.
Letting him make the first move is a good way to do this. If he doesn’t ask for your number he may have a girlfriend, or may think you’re a lovely woman but just not his type. (Ouch, sorry but better to be honest.)
Knowing this might make you think twice about how to ask a guy for his number; however, it’s not that women were simply passive recipients in dating. Women have long used signs and signals to entice men to take the action that they want; back in the time of Jane Austen ladies would use their fans to communicate interest, or lack of it, in a man.
Fast forward a few hundred years and men have also started to find their role of being the initiator more tricky. Thanks to a combination of the pandemic, dating apps, and the #metoo movement; your average man is finding it harder than ever to ask for your number.
Meaning, when you’re talking to a guy and he’s not asking for your number, there’s also very much the possibility that this is because he’s shy and he’s going to walk away kicking himself to not have asked.
So if modern men are perennially nervous to make the first move should you learn to ask a guy for his number?
In my experience, the perfect balance is often feeling like you’ve given him a clear hint to ask for your number, but stopped short of asking for his. So before you ask a guy for his number; you might want to try my 5 hacks to get a guy to ask for your number.
However, if you’ve dropped all the hints, it’s not working, and you don’t want to walk away from this connection then you can take this one step further and give a guy your number.
Instead of asking a guy for his number, giving him yours, still leaves him an action step to take (messaging you) and if he doesn’t get in touch, you’ve successfully filtered out a guy who either wasn’t that interested or that available.
3 Tried & Tested Ways To Ask A Guy For His Number
Technique 1: The Drop & Leave
Whether you’re a man or a woman, when it comes to swapping numbers you don’t want to make a big deal of it, “maybe we can hang out sometime if you’re free” *wince*
If you suddenly double down and not only ask a guy for his number, but suggest what your first date could be too; you might be getting ahead of yourself. Going into the where, what and when of meeting up again also makes your “ask” bigger. Instead keep it simple, focus on asking a guy for his number, or giving him yours, not what comes next.
Remember as well, that if you’ve had a really great connection, swapping numbers is just the next logical step to having a great conversation. So keep your delivery, calm and relaxed. You also want to demonstrate using your body language that this interaction is coming to an end. This “time’s up” body language cue also helps him to shift into thinking about next steps.
To help you nail your delivery of this, I’d advise using my “fake leave” technique (explained fully in this video) to say something to him like:
“It’s been really fun talking to you, but I’m being such a bad friend…” *look over to your friendship group*
“It’s been really fun talking to you, but I’ve got such an early start tomorrow…”
Then just when he thinks your conversation is coming to a close, you can turn back and say:
“Oh here’s my number by the way” - like that thought just occurred to you right then!
This is a cute, indirect and spontaneous (at least it should feel that way to him) to ask a guy for his number, by giving him yours.
This technique is best used after you’ve had a great time talking to a guy you’ve just met, but you’re unlikely to bump into him again.
Technique 2: The Social Media Swap
Even more casual than the drop and leave technique, and often what will feel socially appropriate, is to swap social media contact details.
In my opinion, the easiest way to do this is when you’re talking about a topic to say:
“Hang on, let me show you a picture of this on social media…”
Then once you’re on your profile you can say, “I’ll send it to you, what's your handle?”
Here you’ve technically asked a guy for his number, well social media; but again as it feels easy-breezy in the present moment, it’s a great way to ask a guy for his number without it feeling awkward.
Again I’d prefer you simply to show him your social media and let him get to that next step but if you want to take it one step further this is an easy way to wind up following each other on social media.
And if he has your contact on social media please leave him to send you that first message, you’ve done enough! Relax!
This technique will probably also be the most appropriate to use if you have regular contact with the guy you like; and you’ll see him again at college, work, or a class you both attend.
Technique 3: The 'Old Skool'
Now if you’ve seen a man you’re really attracted to, you’re swapping eye contact but he’s not coming over, then you could also write your phone number down and give it to him. Many women I’ve coached prefer to start with this technique, as it’s like a scene from a movie, and doesn’t feel too stressful (once you’ve given him your number, you’re out of there!)
If you’re thinking about how to ask a guy for his number, I can also reassure you that there are many men who would love to not have to make the first move. (For many men, it would be a dream scenario that an attractive woman just gives them her number!)
However, the dating coach in me requires that I point out a limitation to the “just write your number down on a piece of paper” exercise. Apart from the fact that no-one carries around pens and scraps of paper anymore, the main issue here is that the man hasn’t had to do anything to receive your number, and again (unpopular opinion) I’d rather he has some skin in the game.
It’s much better overall if he feels like he’s contributed something to the interaction to make him desire you more, rather than you’ve already chosen him based on his looks alone.
However if you’re short on time and just starting to put yourself out there more, why not? If it gives you a thrill about dating and boosts your mood it’s worth it.
This technique is best used when he’s a total stranger, and you’re in a rush!
What if he never gets in touch?
Okay, it is slightly annoying if after all this he doesn’t get in touch, but it happens to everyone.
Remember, you might want to ask a guy for his number, to expand your dating options: Which is a worthy pursuit! However, even after you’ve met a cute guy you like, there’s a long way to go for him to prove to you that he’s worth your continued effort and energy. You also need to actively filter out men that are not highly invested in getting to know you.
All men and women will experience a “flake rate” when they swap numbers with people. If you do ask a guy for his number, and he doesn’t get in touch, please remember:
- It’s not a reflection of your worth or attractiveness.
- There are many reasons not to do with you why he might not follow up.
- The benefit of leaving him to ask for your number is that you eliminate some (not all) of those reasons.
Conclusion
First of all, well done for reading this blog tutorial and choosing to be more proactive in your dating life! It honestly doesn’t matter if you try to ask a guy for his number, and it’s not the cutest, or smoothest delivery. Simply by choosing to take that action step, you are working towards creating abundance in your dating life which, over time, will transform your confidence levels with dating.
How To Ask A Guy For His Number | FAQs
How to ask a guy for his number over text?
If you’ve been messaging a guy you like on social media, or a dating app, you might be wondering how to ask a guy for his number over text. First of all, check in with yourself, do you need to rush this interaction forward, or could you relax and take your time here? If you are eager to get onto a more personal form of communication express this as a preference, “I’m hardly ever on [name of dating app] can we do whatsapp?” Or you may find more indirect communication that drops a clear hint, “I keep missing your messages :-( I’m so bad on this app!” also gets you the result you want of moving this man from social media, or a dating app, to your messages.
How to ask a guy for his number in a cute way?
You might want to ask a guy for his number in a cute way to remain “feminine” and alluring when you’re talking to him. To help with a cute delivery, work on your body language and non verbal cues: Smiling, looking at him then down at your feet, or hiding your face behind your hands, are body language signals that can be interpreted as “shy”, “cute” or “traditionally demure and feminine.” You can also consider simply expressing that you’re feeling shy to him, for example, “I feel so shy saying this but if we don’t bump into each other again maybe we should swap details?” Really enjoy expressing that you’d like to stay in touch, and the moment of flirtation that this will create!
How to ask a guy for his number without being too direct?
You might want to ask a guy for his number without being too direct, in order to stay in the traditionally ‘feminine’ role in the interaction, where the man pursues you. Whilst many women will want to be more proactive with men (or other women), often it will feel most intuitive and comfortable for you to express a desire to stay in touch in a way that’s more indirect. If this is you, you can try my hacks to get a guy to ask for your number. These include prompting him to ask for your number by showing him your social media, expressing an interest in one of his hobbies, or suggesting that you’re soon going to leave the interaction (indicating that he has to hurry up!) If you’d like to go a little more direct than this, then you can suggest sending him some information on a topic that’s come up in the conversation (“what’s your number, I’ll send you a link to it!”) or sharing a social media post with his account. This allows him to receive your number, but still creates space for him to send you a follow up message if he’s interested.
