There are few things more annoying than talking to a hot guy... and he’s just not asking for your number.
Even worse if you spend all evening talking to said hot guy and you part ways with an awkward: "...Well it was nice talking to you!" and you wind up thinking, 'what was all that about?'
As a dating coach with 15 years experience teaching women how they can meet men in real life (yup, I do real-world dating bootcamps for women to learn how to get a guy to ask for your number) in this blog I’ll share:
- The top 3 reasons why he’s not asking for your number
- 5 “tried and tested” hacks to get a guy to ask for your number
- Should you just ask for his number?!
From my experience of coaching thousands of single women, I know finding a connection with a guy can be rare! So it’s worth having a few tricks up your sleeve to give him a subtle but clear prompt to get a guy to ask for your number.
But before we get started, let’s look at the top 3 reasons why he hasn’t asked for your number, yet!
3 Reasons Why A Guy Isn’t Asking For Your Number
1. He’s not available (sorry)
It’s so frustrating, but some men will happily flirt with you all night, and never take it any further, because they already have a girlfriend. He may enjoy your connection too, he may think you’re gorgeous, but whilst flirting in a bar to him is “somewhat okay” asking for your number is definitely “not okay.”
This creates the confusing scenario of him being in no rush to end the conversation with you, but never taking it any further. This is a great reason why you should never spend the whole night talking to a guy in the hope he’ll ask for your number.
If this has happened to you before, avoid the trap of over giving! Even if he seems really great, don’t invest your whole evening in talking to a guy when there’s the distinct possibility this could turn into a big fat zero. Enjoy that connection for a while (I’m thinking 10-15 minutes max), throw him some hints to get him to ask for your number, and if he doesn’t ask for your number, have a hard stop and leave. There’s a lot more men in the world you can meet.
Remember, if he’s not asking for your number, especially after you’ve used my 5 hacks on how to get a guy to ask for your number, there could be a good reason for this that’s nothing to do with you.
2. He’s single but not looking (really)
This reminds me of that quote from Pride and Prejudice, “'It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” Sorry Jane Austen, but you got this one totally wrong.
Just because he’s single, just because you have a “vibe”, doesn’t mean he’s looking to date you! Huh? Yep. Whilst at this moment to you he might seem great, what you don’t know about him (but he really knows about himself) is that at this stage in his life he’s a lousy boyfriend. He’s prioritizing his career, or sowing some wild oats, and has received more than a few angry long messages from women he’s recently let down.
He thinks you seem like a nice woman, and he’s just not willing to go there with you. He knows he can’t offer you the relationship he assumes you want, so he doesn’t bother to ask for your number.
This is a great example of how you might feel disappointed and wanting to know how to get a guy to ask for your number; when really something positive has happened! An unsuitable guy hasn’t taken up your valuable time.
Another good reason why he’s not asking for your number!
3. He lacks confidence to ask for your number (unfortunately)
Even if he’s single and interested, as a dating coach who works with both men and women, I am acutely aware of why a guy you like may be hesitating around asking for your number. Your average guy is not a swashbuckling hero from a romcom, who is in the habit of regularly asking women out who he meets in real life.
In fact most men in the modern Western world believe they are seriously overstepping the mark to even come and talk to you. So when you’re mid flow in a conversation your normal to slightly shy guy will be inwardly breaking a sweat about saying the wrong thing. The whole experience may be such a surprise to him that he has no idea how to take that next step, and ask for your number.
He may well end the conversation with a limp, “it was lovely talking to you too,” and then 2 days later realize he had an opportunity to score a date and kick himself for missing out on the opportunity.
This is where knowing a few hints and tricks to get a guy to ask for your number seriously comes in handy! If he needs a confidence boost or a clearer signal, you will be able to give it to him, whilst he still gets the enjoyment of being the one to ask.
So how do I get a guy to ask for my number Hayley?
5 “tried and tested” ways to get a guy to ask for your number
1. The Instagram Hack
This hack to get him to ask for your phone number is all about making it easy for him to take that next step. Yes, some guys love the challenge of asking a woman out, but they really are in the minority: A lot of great guys will sit on the sidelines because they’re not sure how to get a guy to ask for your number.
It’s not that there’s no good men left, it’s just probably most of them you meet don’t know how to go from point a to point b of asking you out.
So if you learn how to help him get over that line, your dating life is going to start to feel a lot more abundant.
One of the easiest ways to prompt him to ask for your number, or social media, is to have your phone unlocked and in your hands when you’re talking to him. Here are some examples:
"It was the best trip, I’ll show you a photo..."
"I follow this really funny account on Instagram..."
"Let me just DM my friend, I think she’s lost! "
In all these instances you get your phone out and show him your Instagram account. He can then follow you then, and there, or if he’s not feeling quite as confident, he may remember your name and follow you later on.
This simple hack makes it much easier for him to ask for your number or social media.
2. The Enthusiasm Hack
Another tried and tested way to get a guy to ask for your number, is for you to express enthusiasm about something you’re talking about in the conversation. Particularly if that “something” is an activity that he’s interested in, that you could potentially do together:
“I’m a bit terrified but I’ve always wanted to try bouldering.”
“How do you even manage that? I can literally never find good Thai food these days.”
Notice how I’m encouraging you to express your interest in a way that’s playful. Playful communication makes it easier for him to understand that this interaction might have the potential to lead to romance. Ask him a more logistical question, i.e. “Do you know the nearest running club to here?” and he’ll probably give you the answer but may not twig that you’re actually trying to get him to ask for your number!
3. The Bump Into Hack
The bump into hack is a neat trick to get a guy to ask for your number, when you’re aware you live in the same neighborhood. Whilst you’re sitting there thinking, ‘dude, we live 5 minutes away from one another, this is a perfect opportunity to go on a date,’ and he’s not asking for your number, try to make this possibility clearer to him with a hint like:
“Hey, that’s my favorite coffee shop too! I thought it was a trade secret.”
“Maybe I’ll bump into you around [NEIGHBOURHOOD] sometime.”
Notice here how you’re stopping just short of making the first move yourself? Hold back on the temptation to say, “how about Saturday?” Instead drop the hint, look into his eyes, smile and see if he can take the obvious next step of making plans with you.
4. The Fake Leave Hack
🔥 This one's my personal favorite 🔥
Now you know I said earlier about the importance of just having a relatively short (5-10 minute) conversation with a man who you don’t know? Quite possibly the most effective way to get a guy to ask for your number is to let him know tick-tock that his time is almost up:
“I’m having so much fun talking to you but I’m being a terrible friend...”
*look at your friends over your shoulder* “This is so awkward, I want to keep talking to you, but I’ve got to go have girl’s night.”
Both of these lines combine giving him a lot of approval (he’ll be left in no doubt that you like him) whilst sending a signal that his time is running out to make his move. During my real world dating bootcamps for women, I notice time and time again, that it’s the moment my coaching client is slinging on her coat and moving towards the door, that the guy she was talking to, finds his courage and comes running after her!
It’s cool, it’s romantic, it’s a real life movie moment, and you can use it reliably to get a guy to ask for your number.
5. The Pushback Hack
A big trick of how to get a guy to ask for your number is to give the right balance of encouragement and playful pushback in your conversations with him. It should feel rewarding for him to talk to you. Boring, small talk conversations aren’t rewarding to anyone. What does feel rewarding is when you’re having playful, abstract banter; where he feels he’s winning you over, not that he’s already won you over.
Notice the subtle difference in how you can reply to a “standard” question about where you’re from:
“I live in East London right now.” - A response like this lands you squarely in small talk territory.
“I’m in East London. How about you? Do you live nearby too?” - Still smalltalk, and communicating too much interest from your side.
“You’re actually never going to be able to guess…” - Suddenly the conversation has taken a playful turn. You’ve not simply told him the answer, you’ve created pushback around him finding it out.
Hopefully he’ll play along and suggest that if he guesses correctly that he can take you for a drink around there sometime.
However, he often won’t recognise the possibility to be playful, and flirt with you, unless you take the bold leap to steer the conversation in that direction.
He’s still not asking, should I ask him for his number?!
Now, you might be thinking, "those are great tips on how to get a guy to ask for my number, but what’s stopping me from just asking for his number? Isn’t that much more straightforward?"
The answer to that is NOTHING.
If you’re comfortable taking the lead and it feels natural to you in the moment to ask! Dating rules are made to be broken.
However, I say this with a slight word of warning. I know it sounds more palatable on paper, that in this modern world that men and women can ask for one another’s numbers equally; however, my years of experience coaching women to meet men in real life tells a different story.
Often if you push to swap contact details, he never follows up, probably for one of the reasons mentioned above. If you want to improve your dating life, and become more attractive to men, don’t be afraid to experiment with taking initiative in your dating life… but in a totally different way to the actions you expect him to take. Instead of being in a race to “seal the deal” with him, start seeing value in filtering through the men who (with plenty of reassurance and encouragement) are invested enough in the interaction to ask!
If a guy doesn’t ask for your number this is often a pretty effective filter for his readiness to go on a date with you. If you try my hacks and he’s still not budging, often the best thing you can do is sashay away, and know that you (probably) haven’t lost out on anything.
Next steps
All the tricks you’ve read about in this blog are right out of the playbook from my Secret Place taster event, where me and my team of dating coaches teach you how to meet men in real life. If you’re curious about how you can get off dating apps, and onto meeting men in person; this is a confidence boosting session, teaching you the practical dating toolkit you need to transform your dating life, and meet a man who truly deserves a spot as your number 1.
