She keeps saying "maybe" or "we'll see"? Here is what to do...
You got her phone number, you finally psyched yourself out to ask her out, and she says, "I’ll let you know."
What does that really mean? Is that a rejection? Should you just move on? Or should you just be relaxed about it and be patient? Is your date with her ever going to happen?
When you ask her out, and don’t get a clear yes or no, it can leave you uncertain as to what’s the next step to take. It kind of feels like she's brushing you off, but equally you're not quite prepared to walk away yet, so what do you do?
(Sidenote: If you’re a woman reading this article, I can tell you now the men of the world will appreciate a clear yes or no. Commit, or save both your time with a clear but kind "no thanks.")
So what’s the perfect response that balances the right amount of assertiveness, playfulness and also that’s likely to lead to a positive outcome?
Well - as I believe in a highly personalised approach to dating coaching I’m going to give you 4 clear options now, and you can work out which one best fits your current dating strategy.
Option 1: The cool and unfazed response to "I’ll let you know."
This doesn’t totally close the door on meeting in the future, but it does demonstrate to her a willingness to walk away. Yes, a message like this isn’t going to get you a date this weekend, but it does something to redress the power balance between you and create space for more attraction to develop. It’s also written in an assertive, but not jerky, tone that demonstrates some masculinity.
Sometimes women may take a step back if they sense you’re much more into them, than vice versa: In this dynamic the interaction feels pressured and she’ll worry about letting you down if she can’t match your expectations for the date. A message like this helps to reset the interaction: You demonstrate that you’re actually just as happy to walk away as she is.
This is also a positive step for your self esteem. I’ve said it about a million times before, but here I go again: The bare minimum you need from a woman to continue your interest in her is for her to give you (some of) her time. Without this ingredient it’s a non-starter and you need to save your time, energy and other resources for another woman who is more available.
If you find yourself continually chasing women, and want to start dating as a confident man instead make sure you subscribe to get my free workbook on how you can raise your standards (and self esteem) as a man.
Option 2: The playful response to "I’ll let you know."
Use this response carefully. Messages are easy to misconstrue. If this doesn’t come across as playful assertive, it could easily dead end a conversation. Use this message if you sense there’s attraction there but she’s not prioritising meeting you because she’s caught up with the rest of her life.
Done right this message also shows that you’re not going to keep asking her out over and over again; without her also contributing to the interaction.
Showing that you’ve taken the feedback loop of her not agreeing to meet and that your interest levels are dropping off because of that, is good! Your interest in her should be conditional on her also participating in getting to know you too.
Playfulness is an incredible skill to develop as (done right) it demonstrates outcome independence: You’re not that deeply emotionally invested in the interaction. This reduces pressure.
Option 3: The pushy response to "I’ll let you know."
Back in 2010 when I was just starting out as a dating coach, this was the response to "I’ll let you know." The aim of course was to "not accept a no" and to turn her hesitancy into a plan that felt easy for her to commit to. Fast forward a decade or so, and it doesn’t sound as good by modern standards; because of this I’d probably mothball this response to a less self aware era.
The one kernel of information you can take from it though is that if you sense a woman is on the fence as to whether to meet you or not, choose a date that’s easy for you both to commit to. If she fears that she won’t be attracted to you, then the thought of spending a whole evening together (even if it’s doing something super awesome) will feel like a burden.
If meeting you is easy and limited on time she can at least feel like if it’s a total bust that she can get out of there fast!! Of course, it’s not going to be a bust either, because when you meet in person the hope is that she’ll remember why she gave you her number in the first place and be much more open to meeting the second time around.
Option 4: The high value response to "I’ll let you know."
Graciously, let this one go.
To do this you need to do the math: There’s a lot of single women out there you can meet, and provided you can be somewhat confident in your ability to go out there and meet them, you don’t need this interaction to turn into anything.
You can just let it go.
What does it mean when a girl says “I’ll let you know”?
When a woman says “I’ll let you know” this is likely to be a rejection, she’s trying to tell you she’s not interested in a way that’s soft and socially acceptable. Women don’t like to reject men, and if she says “I’ll let you know” it doesn’t mean she dislikes you, but rather doesn’t like you enough to give you priority in her life. As she thinks you seem like a nice guy (sorry) this will mean she feels uncomfortable giving you a blunt rejection. Bluntly rejecting you may also feel socially inappropriate to her if the context you’re suggesting meeting under isn’t clearly defined. For instance if you’ve met through friends, or suggested “going to something together sometime” it may seem presumptive to assume you mean “on a date”.
So yes when a woman says “I’ll let you know” it is an “easier” response to give than a flat rejection, but it’s also likely to be the most socially acceptable way of showing she’s not interested in you. Remember, no matter how smart, fun or witty you are unless she’s giving you her time, you won’t be able to build a romance with her. So forget trying to show her how great you are, move on and find another woman who is more open to dating you.
How do you know if she is interested in you?
On the other hand if a woman is genuinely interested in you, the bare minimum ingredient she will bring to the table to explore a relationship is her time. Even if she’s genuinely busy with other life goals (work, studying etc) she will find time to date: Because she will recognise that’s also a priority for her.
For example, even if she’s genuinely booked up this week, she will make a clear suggestion for when you can next meet. So instead of saying, “I’ll let you know,” she’ll say, “this week is tricky, how about next Sunday, I’m free all day :-)”
Rather than your messages being left unread, and getting a vague answer as to when she’s free; you’ll be able to plan a date with her. A woman shows she’s interested not only in you, but in dating generally, when she is responsive and clear about her availability when asked.
If you don’t feel confident in your ability to meet women, the answer isn’t to hold onto this one interaction tighter, it’s to improve your ability to meet women.
Dating, regardless of who you are, is no fun if it’s coming from a place of scarcity. To really tackle your dating life in a way that you’ve never been brave enough to do so before, I’d highly recommend that you participate in my Training Day for men. It’s my in-person taster event for men, to teach you how to approach and date women. And just like everyone keeps telling you, rather than going around and around on the same issues; it’s time for you to step up and finally learn how to gain confidence in this area of your life.
