Whilst it may have been hot during the 13th Century for women to 'pity' the knights that came slaying dragons for them, these days if she associates you with something that needs sympathy she ain't ever going to want to have a hot and sexy adventure with you.
It may have been hot during the 13th Century for women to 'pity' the knights that came slaying dragons for them. But these days if she associates you with something that needs sympathy she ain't ever going to want to have a hot and sexy adventure with you. As a matter of fact, it worse than if she says you are a dick head.
Being pitied will leave you frustrated. It is almost a straight road into the friendzone. If you are not upfront with her, this will leave her confused about what you're thinking and feeling... and open to meeting other guys. This creates a lose-lose situation. She will no recognise the awesome guy that's right in front of her (you). And you will feel aggravated that she chose another guy.
Signs of pity include (but are not limited to):
'Awww'
'Bless you!'
'That's so sweet!'/'You're a sweetheart thank you!''
In normal life, there is of course nothing wrong with people thinking you're ADORKABLE. Even more, being kind is highly underrated. It becomes a bit problematic during that first sexy stage of getting to know someone. Cuteness and sex appeal for women do not go hand in hand. Who knew?
If a woman refers to you in this way by the way it doesn't mean that you are fundamentally worth pitying and never sexy. She's got it all wrong. You're hot, you're manly and you gotta remember that.
If she has temporarily underestimated you - or put you in the wrong box in her life- you have to pull her up on this (nicely). To counterbalance your Nice Guy image simply assert yourself:
'Hey, I'm here to flirt with you'
'You do know I find you very sexy'
'I'm here to flirt with you - not for you to say 'bless you'
This isn't meant to be hostile it's just you communicating that she needs to give you respect not cuddles at this stage.
Why women need to date Nice Guys
When it comes to dating YES it is about you learning to communicate better. She needs to 'get' why you'd be a great boyfriend (not friend). But it is also about women being aware of the strength in 'Good Guy' qualities.
I know that being a good communicator, listening to her and helping her out doesn't make you lame. It makes you a well rounded, self assured guy.All women appreciate these qualities in a partner in that initial conversation or date she also looks for a 'spark' of attraction.
A woman's dream is to find 'the spark' with a man who is also honest, dependable and loyal. (This doesn't mean monogamy by the way - it means you say what you do and do as you say. You have integrity. That is hot.)
'Nice Guys' are considerate and wait for clear permission from a woman before making a move. This is why they can miss out on hitting the attraction points of appearing confident and assertive. To solve this here are a few super simple ways you can add some spark to your dates. I know the women out there want to meet more men like you.
1. Plan that date.
Sounds obvious but things like confidently suggesting a date, turning up early, knowing where to sit and what to order on the menu (and having a back up plan if the venue sucks) all say 'I have got my sh*t together and I am organised enough to take care of you too'. When it comes to ordering a drink try playfully stating:
"I'm guessing you may like wine, but I'm going to insist we start out with two negronis because they make them so well here. If you hate it you can give it to me and get me drunk - sound fair?"
2. Assert some boundaries.
Everyone likes a guy that is thoughtful and caring but no one wants a doormat. Agreeing with everything communicates to her that you don't value yourself . You're too focused on impressing her. If she says something a bit dodgy (like being mean about a co-worker) pull her up on her behaviour and create respect for yourself too:
"Well I know this person obviously needs to work on their communication but they probably just lack confidence. I'd help them out because it's not easy being in their position."
This makes you moral and assertive = dreamy.
3. Don't be too enthusiastic if she's very flirty.
Sometimes women will be more flirtatious during a conversation than you'd expect. Often if she says something very raunchy it doesn't mean she's serious about wanting to do something s*xy right now. More likely she's testing the water and enjoying the flirtation. So if she sends pictures of underwear and asks what you prefer don't start drooling instead re-direct the conversation. Remember you're not a guy that's easily impressed:
"Nice pictures *but* I actually wanted you to tell me how your work project is going..."
The phrasing here is assertive and more attractive than you just saying 'can't wait to see you in the pink set babe!'
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If you identify with this and are a Nice Guy I hope you liked my blog - I wrote it for guys like you to encourage you to keep going out there and meeting women.
Remember you haven't been born a 'cutie' who no one fancies. It's all in how you engage with her that tells her how she should react to you.
You have the power - so use it wisely!
Love, Hayley x
p.s. If you struggle to communicate in the way you want with women you need to watch my video course 'The Attraction Loophole' it will explore how you can stay true to you and be the kind of guy she wants to date. Get access to it HERE.
