Your go-to guide for paying her compliments that she won't forget
How to Make Her Smile
How do you go about paying a great compliment on a first date? I'm going to give you three do's and three don'ts of paying compliments on first dates. Use them to get the results you might not have thought possible.
First date compliment DONT'S
Overusing compliments
I don't want you to overuse compliments. Compliments are a little bit like gifts. If we over give them then they start to lose their meaning and their value to a person. So instead, I want you to focus on using compliments sparingly.
If we overuse compliments and bombard a person with flattery, it's likely to come across like we are trying to flatter them into liking us. If someone senses you’re flattering them because you want something from them, this will be a huge turn off. Ultimately, it will end up making you look more like a fan, and less like someone they'd like to date.
Generic compliments
My second don't: don’t use generic compliments. It can be nice when somebody turns up to a date and says, you look great. But if you keep hammering from there saying stuff like:
You look beautiful. You're just so gorgeous. Have you done your makeup in a different way?
When you bombard her with compliments, especially compliments that are superficial, you will end up in the fan camp. Plus this will make you look desperate to win her approval.
Over-explained compliments
The third don't is to avoid over-explaining your compliments. So if you say to someone, I like your dress. The pattern in it brings out the colour of your eyes, not only you're going to end up sounding like someone's great aunt (which probably isn't what you're going for) you're also going to seem like you’re lacking in confidence.
Whenever we over explain, or over justify our actions, it tends to look like we're not secure in what we're saying. That lack of confidence is making us over explain ourselves. If you do want to develop a high confidence and self esteem when it comes to dating, I'd highly encourage you to enrol in my free dating programme.
First date compliment DO's
Be thoughtful
When it comes to compliments, the first thing I want you to do is to only say one or two important compliments on that date. I really want you to draw effort and attention to the fact you're paying that compliment. If we hurry through the compliment, say it too softly, you can accidentally communicate that you're not fully secure in how you're expressing something. So if you're going to make a compliment, let's make the most of it.
A great way to do this is actually to stop the conversation, drop the compliment in and restart it. This may look something like you reaching over, perhaps touching her arm arm saying,
"I'm just going to have to stop you there. You really light up when you're talking about your work, I can tell it's super important to you. I'm interrupting, please continue."
This will create a little spike of intensity where she is brought into the present moment by your compliment. As it’s highly personal it will also resonate with her more than a generic `you’ve got a great smile.’
Her contribution to the conversation
The second thing I want you to think about is choosing a detail of something they've contributed to the conversation or something that's actually happened within the present moment. Again, you want to avoid complimenting people on their looks. Most people will feel a deeper sense of validation if complimented for something that they've actually put effort into. That's why noticing that someone's face lights up when they talk about something, or that they maintain great eye contact, is going to be a much better level of compliment than just saying that they've got a nice smile.
Complimenting something unusual
The final thing for compliments is to draw attention to the fact you see something unusual or interesting within them. Now you can imply this if you say something like I never expected I would tell you this on a first date, or it's rare I find myself speaking this openly.
It may not be direct, but the compliment is still heavily implied. You're effectively telling someone how most people don't usually have that effect on you. You can also be really conscious in your compliment to use words like interesting, unique, unusual.
I don't meet people like you very often.
She will understand that you're not just paying her compliments willy nilly. You're in fact perceiving something in her that’s special. If there's one thing women love, it's to feel valued and appreciated for who they actually are.
