The art of messaging
Today I wanted to share with you some killer texting mistakes to avoid. Let me tell you something you already know: how you message a woman is very, very important.
Nevermore so than in 2020 when we’re meeting people more than ever online, and she may be more cautious than normal to meet you.How you message a woman, whether it’s the first message to her on an app, or setting up a third date, say a lot about you.
Which is why I get frustrated when I see a great guy (who I know is a catch in the real world!) messing it up with a woman through how he messages her. Here’s a shortlist of some of the many, many ways bad messages can make you lose out on potential dates!
Texting Mistakes To Avoid #1
Sending messages that are too bland and generic (read, "So what are you up to for fun this weekend?") are the WhatsApp equivalent of wearing a T-shirt that says `just another guy’ on it. And the problem is, if she doesn’t understand that you are unique and interesting, she has no incentive to select you to go on a date with out of all the other guys that are out there!
Texting Mistakes To Avoid #2
Messages that judge when to ask her out incorrectly. Never, ever (!) ask, "How many messages do I need to send before I can ask her out?" This is asking yourself the wrong question! It’s not how many messages you’ve sent her, it’s how well you’ve built that connection with her.
Don’t you dare say, "It’s been fun talking to you, how about we carry on this conversation in real life?" if the conversation hasn’t actually been fun. She will read this and sigh thinking that the whole reason you were talking to her wasn’t to actually get to know her, but to get far enough along in the conversation where you felt justified to ask her out.
Texting Mistakes To Avoid #3
Messages that get the pace of the interaction wrong. You don’t want to be the guy that asks her out in the first message. (You may think this is efficient, it’s not, it simply won’t work). Likewise you don’t want to be the guy who she loses interest in talking to, because he’s being too hesitant to ask her out.
Sidenote: have you noticed how women seem to use dating apps enthusiastically one day, then lose interest the next? There’s a reason for this that will affect your messaging strategy...
Texting Mistakes To Avoid #4
Messages that try to flirt, but make it clumsy. You know you need to say something flirty, so you try to shoehorn a flirty remark (or emoji) into an otherwise bland conversation. This doesn’t work - so much of flirting via message, just like real life flirting, is about the tone of the interaction. The narrative behind it!
If you watched my flirting webinar* last month you would have heard me talk about needing to meet her at her level - go in too strong and you will mismatch her level of attraction.
Texting Mistakes To Avoid #5
Endlessly pursuing a woman who isn’t investing over the message: if she doesn’t INVEST in the conversation with you, and you’re not getting any good intel on her, then you don’t have enough of a JUSTIFICATION to ask her out. If she feels you’re asking her out just because you’re attracted to her, and not because you have any unique connection to her, she hasn’t got much of an incentive to meet you.
So your messages need to hint, prompt and set the stage for her to open up or you need to let it go.(Also I’m going to get in an apology now, that I may be being a little bit blunt! But text messages should be easy wins. In real life interactions you don’t have much time to think, with messages you do, so you can work to get them right!).
Here’s an even more detailed explanation of texting mistakes to avoid
Then there are all the messages you need in your back pocket for the myriad of tricky dating situations you might face: she’s taking ages to respond, she didn’t reply to your last message, or maybe she seems interested, then when you ask her out nada. It’s so frustrating!!
And I don’t want that for you. I want you to learn to love dating, be having tons of super fun interactions and also understand why women are seemingly so `lazy’ at messaging.
I have got a lot of cool things I’m going to teach you: there’s going to be webinars, ebooks, and some really helpful newsletters coming your way on messaging. So make sure you have this email address saved as a contact, I’ll be in touch again soon,
Hayley x
*If you missed it you can watch a full replay in my HQ Club.
