In this week's podcast I talk to the cool man that is Steve Mayeda from The Sexual Life. This is a guy whose been there, done that and whom I actually respect.
When a man runs away
Welcome women and potential men listeners to my Love HQ podcast. We're back again. I am so happy to be joined once more by Steve. Steve is the founder of The Sexual Life and host of The 21 Convention.He's and I just taped and amazing Attraction HQ podcast. I'm so happy that you could come and talk on Love HQ as well. So thank you very much for coming along. Now, as Love HQ I think has a bit more of a female listenership, could you maybe give the women that are listening to a bit of an insight into your past? And of what brings you here today?
Steve
Man, well, what brings me here today is you- I work as a men's coach. I don't have a lot of outlets for working with women. But my whole pursuit in sex and relationships has been How can I connect to women to be a better expression of myself, didn't start that way. I knew I wanted women and I wanted to love. I knew I wanted to be intimate. To be sexual. I knew all these different things that we have. But I wasn't able to put the puzzle together. And I'm still putting together. But I feel I got this down a little bit better than I had before.
Hayley
When I went on Steve's podcast a couple of weeks ago, I thought I've been through some weird stuff, bad stuff, you could say recently. And you gave me a strong impression of someone who's walked a bit of a journey in life and has put some pieces of the puzzle in place. But you seem to have elevated yourself out of the first state of confusion, which you adequately put down as that male intrinsic desire to want to do stuff.
Steven
Confusion is the first step in learning and I've been confused for a lot of my life.
Hayley
The pearls of wisdom I wanted to get out of you for the women that are listening is as women, we experience or have these profound relationship or romantic experiences, and we collide with men. We often have this idea in our mind about how men should react and engage with us. Life happens and men disappoint us or don't act in a way that we consider to be manly, or strong. They might be unfaithful, or they might leave us in bad situations.
For women, it can be a struggle to reflect. To reflect on what you can do as a woman to make more constructive choices. A lot of women struggle to move on from being so profoundly hurt by a relationship with a man. I wanted to begin by creating empathy or understanding as to why men sometimes do things that are not ideal in terms of their relationships with women or their life responsibilities. So I thought, well, Steve, you're going to be the man.
Steve
So first off, I'm gonna start with a quick apology. I gotta go pretty quick because we took a long time for the Attraction HQ podcast, and hopefully, we can continue the discussion. But what Hayley's talking about here is I've seen with myself, and with coaching men, and just knowing a lot of women, too, that in general, we're afraid to have that relationship that might change us. But we also desire it as men.
There are so many fears that come to play. I know women may have some of the same fears, but they're different and hopefully, can help you understand men a little bit better. This may not be all men, but it'scommon. I've been monogamous for three years now. That's the first time I was monogamous in 13 years, which is crazy. I'm so not used to this life.
I had a five-year relationship before this one. But we did different stuff. We were polyamorous and experimented with living with different women. What I realised about myself is that human beings have all sorts of ways they have sex and relationships. I was exploring because I was afraid of putting all my eggs in one basket. There are many reasons men are afraid of monogamy.
I'm not trying to say monogamy is the way. It's the way that I'm in now and have decided for my life. But men are dying to be intimate. It's not a fear of intimacy, we all want that. We are longing for that time we can be held in a woman's arms, and she can accept us for who we are. When we screw up when we do good. When we can have somebody who has our back, it's the most beautiful trait that a woman can give and that every man secretly desire.
The first thing he's looking at is all superficial stuff- her body, or what she's doing. Once we hit connection or rapport with that woman, it starts to move into this area where we want somebody that we can connect with. And it's hard for men to communicate that.
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