What type of profile cuts the mustard?
This is the podcast which goes renegade on traditional forms of love and dating. So if you're fed up of have been playing by the rules have been told what you're supposed to do a feeling that online dating is the only way to meet him, that there are no good men left than you are in the right place. I'm here to revolutionise your outlook teach you some amazing skills from the world of pickup, NLP and hypnosis and take upon a call interviewee. Today I am joined by Ben from Super Fit Dad who is a personal trainer, blogger and dad, as the name might suggest.
Ben:
That's right, Haley. Thanks for having me. It's a pleasure to be here.
Hayley:
It's funny actually, Ben was we came across one another because Ben was actually renting an apartment on the floor above me. So that was cool. I checked out his blog, and it had some really interesting articles on there. Things like how as a daddy can become 33% sexier.
Ben:
It's how you can actually have 33% more sex. But, hopefully the knock-on effect will be that you will become.
Hayley:
Okay, I like this. So you're actually helping us, women, out here because you're educating the men of the world.
Ben:
Absolutely. And especially guys, I guess, who have had a little bit of time out of the game, need to get back on the horse, so to speak. Get back into the world of dating.
Hayley:
And as part of that, obviously, you have a lovely Australian accent and you've been in London for how long? Like a month or so.
Ben:
Pretty much a month. Yeah.
Hayley:
Okay, so you have had some exposure To the London dating market.
Ben:
I have dipped a toe in the water. Yes.
Hayley:
Okay, so I'm gonna I'm going to just sell Ben to you guys. Ladies. So listen up, Ben seems like a nice guy, right? He comes over and he brings me a bottle of prosecco to say thanks. No one no other podcast guest in history Siobhan brought me biscuits and milk. So that was close. But he's the only one apart from her that's bought a gift. So that's good.
He's tall, he's athletic. Seems like a nice man. Does good fatherly stuff. So he's kind of the guy that you'd probably want to meet. And that's why I decided that we're going to pick his brain today on a kind of like, what not to write, and how not to behave in one's online dating profile.
Now, as you probably know, I'm really big on meeting men in real life. And I love to inspire you to approach men in Whole Foods, on the train on your commute. Kind of really wherever you fancy and do not feel that by doing so that you're giving away all your power or you being feminine. However today because that's kind of more Ben's niches, we're going to just drill into the online dating thing for a second and get some feedback from the male perspective on kind of do's and do not's.
So, coming over to you, Ben, what would you say is the most from your experience of toe-dipping in the London dating market and online dating? What's the biggest no-no, that you encountered or something that really would put you off a woman's profile?
Ben:
Well, that's a tricky question, Hayley. I don't think there's an absolute no-no's. And I'd really think that you don't want to get into a situation where you're being very discriminatory or you're putting down blanket rules or guidelines. That said. There's a couple of things that have cropped up time and time again.
Hayley:
I would actually argue that it's usually women that have tried to follow blanket rules and guidelines, how that's coming through in their online dating profiles is potentially what is causing the problems.
Ben:
Quite possibly. And I think there's more probably a misconception or a gender imbalance between what is considered acceptable and what is attractive. So, number one without a shadow of a doubt would be Snapchat enhance pictures, you know, flowers around the head. Photoshop type pictures.
Hayley:
I'm interested in what does that communicate to you?
Ben:
I think when you get to a certain age, [...] when you get to a certain demographic, a guy probably isn't going to be completely enamoured with a girl who's spending too much time enhancing her pictures with Snapchat which let's face it, although it's gotten a bit mainstream now is really something that was devised for teenage girls.
Hayley:
Somebody's saying it's a bit juvenile. I'm spending too much time on my phone.
Ben:
Absolutely right. And it's also, the photos are so easy to pick out as being false and enhanced that that's not that attractive to a guy. I know, in the media these days, everyone's photoshopped, and it's the way the world is going. But I don't think it's very authentic. It's not very real.
Hayley:
Okay. And also, I think there's something in there where, you know, I wanted to attend a social experiment. This was like maybe a year or so ago, and I did. I split test normal Hayley's profile versus super Hayley. Well, I enhanced my all my photos, I got rid of all my wrinkles. I gave myself bigger boobs, a smaller waist and was posing in a more so provocative way. And I did get more matches, but I think the quality declined. I just got a lot of Hey, sexy. Hey, babe.
So again, I think it's about whatever you style of relationship your would like to have or the kind of person you'd like to develop if you want something is more authentic or more natural, more mature. would then be reflected perhaps in the photo selection that you go for anything else on photos? before we delve into profile and messages?
Ben:
I'd say another possible no-no. is the landscape shot jumping up in the air to celebrate being on the edge of a cliff or some exotic location? I don't think that really works for guys. [...] That's great if it's a holiday snap to send home to your parents. To a guy that you're looking to potentially how some kind of relationship with I just don't think it cuts the mustard.
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