Say hello to a perfect stranger
If you have ever wondered how to say hello to a woman you see passing by without coming off as a creep or stalker, this interview mught give you the guidance you need!
Today, I've got another one of my episodes where I'm actually taping a podcast and I'm recording it for you guys as well. So if you haven't yet subscribed to my podcast, they are really, really good and super interesting. Today it's my pleasure to be joined by Beckster from The Beckster Lifestyle who's a lifestyle and dating coach, particularly for men. But you're thinking about working with women as well.
Beckster
I help a lot of women. So I just thought why not?
Hayley
Why not?! We're here today on my Attraction HQ podcast to talk about the cold approach because we both have some crossover with the pickup industry. And that's a very pickup way of phrasing it. How would you describe what is called approaches to guys?
Beckster
It's basically when you see someone you like, and you just can't talk to him. You've never spoken to them before. If you have met them before. So warm approach. When if you introduce to someone it's a hot approach.
Hayley
I didn't know there was a hot approach. Well, funnily enough, when I was on my way over here, I got what is a woman's version of a bad cold approach. If you are thinking: I would love to approach women, but I don't want to be that creepy guy. How do I go around saying hello to her without freaking her out because I don't want to harass her?
If I had the what not to do guide and I think this is what actually deters men from approaching women. And leaves all the women I work with very frustrated that nobody ever says hello to them.
I was on the phone to my grandmother, who's 94 years old. A guy comes up to me, and he says, What's the way to Knightsbridge?And I'm on the phone to my nan! I know what's going on here. He starts to follow me down the road because I'm ignoring him. And I'm not ignoring him because I'm a mean woman. But I'm obviously speaking to my nan here. I know you are trying to approach me, but I didn't appreciate the indirectness of asking where Knightsbridge is. Now you're following me down the street. Then descending eventually as I grew more distance between us to him just yelling nice bum after me. Which is a bit much for 10 am on a Tuesday.
So with that in mind, I think that's the model where things can feel a bit harassing, and actually not very positive. And I think that's what can lead women to say they don't want any guys to approach them like that. And I think when men witness that, that's what often makes them believe that if they approach a woman full stop, they're being harassing and disrespectful, which they don't want to be. So in that scenario, how, and I've got my own opinions about this. But how would you suggest that guys can approach women in a way that it's going to make the women happy?
Beckster
Obviously, they need to know when not to approach. I'm not saying you can't, and it has worked where people on the phone, and there are, ways of doing it, but it's that there is a point where you got to be respectful. Yeah. And I've always said no, no, but I always find situational and observational, a very handy in this situation. It comes across as natural. It is natural. And hopefully, you do have a question about where you can ask, is it saying they're wearing? is it doing? Is it the place? You're in an environment? Is it okay, you've seen about?
Hayley
Okay, so imagine I'm not on the phone to my nan. I'm walking through, or a woman is walking through Battersea Park or somewhere there's wood. And also for the uninitiated, I imagine some people thinking what's a situational opener? What's an observational opener? What's an opener?
So we go so an opener is a conversation starter. And it doesn't need to be anything special or amazing. How you communicate it has to make her feel secure and comfortable. But you don't need to come out with like the world's cleverest thing, because that's just what it is. It's just to start with the whole thing rolling and it's after that, that she'll actually become attracted to you. So the woman is walking through Battersea Park, just like strolling along, there's the cherry blossom in the trees. How would you be encouraging?
Beckster
I would walk along, not too close, but side by side, slightly ahead. So I'm looking back. Yeah, so I'm not predatory behind. Just walk by and then speak over the shoulder and gently because I just think it's less frightening? And if you sense that the girl's not interested in what you're gonna say you could just keep on walking.
And sometimes girls do walk away. Don't follow because then you're stalking. Just speak louder and keep your straight route and sometimes you'll find they'll gravitate back. But say something bit not cheeky, but just sort of fun. You got the second-best shoes I've seen today.
Because you do not want to do the blatant compliment straightaway. You can do bland compliments. But I want that slight cheeky edge to it. And about 90% of the time, you'll get: Who's got the first ones?
Hayley
Seriousness kills things. The thing is that I always said at the beginning of the interaction, if you speed something you don't know, especially in a society like ours in London, where you're just it's not really culturally than usual for people to engage one another. The first thing you have to do is you have to make them trust you. And you have to immediately demonstrate that openness and that friendliness. It'd be easy to confuse what you were saying with like being in some way, teasing to the point of being derogatory towards that we've never known anyone to make someone feel good.
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