Want him to approach you and speak to you? Here’s how to make it happen
I want to help you put the fun and joy back into being single and dating. If right now you're starting to believe that no good single men exist, please let me help you to meet them. I will show you the art of how you can encourage him to approach you and say hello to you in real life.
For over 10 years, I've helped both men and women to meet one another and connect. I know that the ultimate fantasy way we would all love to meet someone is we're hanging out with our friends. Then an amazing guy walks right up to us and goes: "you". Well, maybe he says something a bit more than that, but you get what I mean!
If you don't know how to start to talking to guys, or think all men feel intimidated by you, you might think no one will say hello to you. You may feel you have to rely on online dating. But there are secret steps to encourage him to put one foot in front of the other and meet you in person.
Take your own initiative and invite him to approach you
First of all, I want you to recognise, there are many great, amazing men out there for you. I know dating doesn't always feel like this. Sometimes it feels as there's no good options left. You keep meeting the wrong people over and over again. Now the thing is, when I'm coaching women, and particularly when I'm doing practical training with them to meet men in real life, they are usually completely astounded by how many more men switch on to the prospect of meeting them, when they start to actually engage with the world a little bit differently.
Not all men are born heroes. Like us, guys have their own anxieties and fears around the process of dating as a whole. So if he's not walking up to you and sweeping you off your feet just yet, it could well be that he wants to, but he doesn't feel secure enough in himself. Or that he's going to be able to do that. Stop seeing guys not approaching you as a signal of your lack of self worth. Or you're not good enough, or you're not attractive enough. Start to think about what you need to do is find the piece of the puzzle. This will enable him to feel more comfortable to make that connection with you.
Co-creating a dating experience
When it comes to meeting people, whether it's online or offline, dating isn't a one way process. It's not about him making all those first moves. In fact, as a woman looking to meet a man, there's a lot that you can do to be proactive in a way that's subtle, and feminine.
Before we look into ways you can encourage him to start that conversation with you, I want to remind you that the reason he's not approaching you has nothing to do with you. His main fear within the dating process is going to be a fear of rejection. He is going to worry that after psyching himself up to talk to you, thinking what to say and walking up to you, you're going to shoot him down. Or worse, you're going to ignore him.
So the tools that we're going to work with is getting him to recognise that you are physically there. They are also going to allow his fear of rejection to reduce. That could be you sending a stronger signal by smiling at him. It could be that you move a bit closer to him, so he has to come less far to talk to you. He just needs a bit of a platform to have some context to say hello to you.
First action step: Create some context for him.
By context, I mean a reason. Say something simple, like "Can you watch my laptop?" Or "Hey, do you mind saving that yoga mat for me?". Immediately, he has a reason to continue the conversation. He also knows that because you've begun it that you are approachable and friendly. And you're not going to shoot him down if he moves things forward.
Sometimes by taking a small piece of initiative to show that we're open to talking and to start the conversation can give him a platform and a context to take that conversation to the next level.
Second action step: Help him feel good about himself
The second way you can encourage more men to approach you in real life is you can do things that will help him to feel good about himself. We all like to feel good about ourselves. One of the most effective ways of doing that is to be able to say thank you to someone. It can also be giving someone a mini challenge, or ask them to do something for us. If they then go ahead and fulfil it, they'll fill that reward. This will create a nice positive feedback loop.
I know we are all capable of like carrying our own bags, or carrying our own drinks from the bar or googling the way to a place. But, if we can be okay to receive and ask for support or help gives him a great platform where he can show up for you as being helpful and engaged. And that will allow him to feel masculine and confident.
Ask him to help you carry drinks from the bar, or say you're getting confused by Google Maps. As cheesy as it sounds, if he's a man who wants to meet more women, he will feel great about the fact that someone's asked him for help. And once he's helped you, if you can say, "Thank you, I was getting stuck there", or "Thank you, I didn't have enough hands" he's going to have a great opportunity to lead the conversation forwards.
When it comes to encouraging men to approach you in real life, it's not so much the case of walking up to someone. In fact it may tend to be overwhelming for him and a bit too much. Instead, when you create reasons and opportunities for him to engage with you in his everyday life, and show that you're open to having that support and help from him, then you may find that he's way more receptive to connecting with you.
Third action step: Be playful and approachable
The final thing to focus on, if you want to meet more men in real life, is you want to approach your interactions with him with a vibe of being playful and cheeky. So instead of saying, "Is that seat taken?", you could say "Can I steal your seat?" or "Is it alright? If I sneak in and take your place at the bar?" By using those odd little playful phrases you will immediately demonstrates to him you're not approaching this social interaction with him from a place of formality or from a place where you're going to be harsh or you might reject him.
You're showing playfulness and warmth. This is super attractive, and will switch him on to the fact that there could be an opportunity to extend the conversation.
You might feel at the moment frustrated that you're not meeting men in the way that you want. If this is making you feel demotivated by the dating process as a whole, I can understand that. My challenge to you is instead of wishing men were different, to challenge ourselves to engage with the world differently and in a way that creates more opportunities to get the interactions that we want.
